My mind knows no boundaries when ur online

for it escapes all reality as it looses focus on da time

Driften from hellos... to fragments of my imagination

for these couple of hours I'm subdued by da magic of temptation

I've been forsaken to know the sweet taste of sin

as slowly my body shivers,and my thoughts live with in

as I close my eyes I can feel you whisper in my ear

I turn back to look but I realize your not here

I shake my head and say... this cant be happening

but I'm loosing all control as I keep on typing

I wish I knew how to put to words what u do to me

so I'll imagine I'm writting this to u as I explain it clearly

I can see u in a distance watchen me while I pull down my hair

as u look at me naked u begin to taste me with ur stare

I ask u to come closer I want to feel ur touch

i breathe deeply as I'm blown away and taken by the rush

ur finger tips slowly disclose secrets my body beholds

as I slowly undress u my sexuality with in me grows

U begin to kiss me upwards from the bottom of my legs

spreading them apart u caress me and my moaning begins

no one has ever taken me the way u do

as my strength is no longer existent I now belong to u

the way that ur tongue plays with each inch of my insides

my body urges to have u I can feel my wetness as it drips and slides

I pull u up closer to my face so i can commence to kiss u

I grab on stronger to ur back and I tell u baby please let me please u

I lay ur back once again on the bed as I start to drop

lower and lower I go

then suddenly I stop

the blood flow increases as it runs through ur veins

as the sweetness of ur juices

drives me wild and utterly insane

ur head is expanding I can feel it in my mouth

as u begin to groan I silently begin to shout

I begin to climb on u I want to feel u deep with in

as my soul falls captive I'm a victim of sin

in all reality I must say the punshiment is worth the price

as our bodys and minds for these past hours became entwined

I'm trying to hold off but I'm about to explode

I'm trying to speak but my words are lost in moans

as these visions seem so true even though their in my head

I want to tell u that I see u much more than just a friend...

...But ur about to sign off now so I guess I'll say goodbye

and I'm looken foward to seeing u the next time ur online...

BLacK M@N caLleD DEATH!!!

Dressed in black and eyes full of emptiness
He walked upon me and touched my face
He whispered words that were unclear
Still not knowing why he was here

His hands were pale and cold as ice
As my soul fell captive with one glance in his eyes
Scared to look beyond his body for I see no reflection
I know the answer but cant understand the conception

I never knew he would enter my life so soon
My tears glisten with the bright light of the moon
I wish I could reject his presence
and this slight amount of pain
My blood stops flowing
and my mind goes insane

It feels like lightning once it hurts the earth
As recaps of my life go back to the innocence of my birth
I wish I could yell but even this he possessed
Little did I know
my body now belonged to the black man... called death

thought on life today

I am at a point in my life that all i can think about is what I want to achieve and if I have the time to achieve it. I know that many people don't always follow any type of religion, (i am one of them) but I do believe in God and the bible. I see how things are in my world today and I just know that the end is soon to be here and I ask myself...when will my time end. It's great to see all the changes that are happening around me but a part of me just feels like it's all to late but then there is a part of me that thinks about the possibility of it's the exact time it's suppose to happen for example... going green, yes it's great that we are starting to take care of the world but why now? is it because our global warming is affected as it is- or is it because we are now living the moment that everything is suppose to work in unison and we are now starting to live the 7 yrs of peace. I find myself in a monitone state of mind. I can't live without thinking about the outcome any more. I used to be so free and loved to live and didn't care about the outcome and as I grow I fear, and as I fear I wonder... if the things that other people are doing are being done because they also fear that the end is near and they want to change everything in order to postpone or change the inevitable or is it all happening because it is suppose to happen... I am in the middle of my Psych. major and it really makes you brake things down and then being liberally spiritual it brakes things down even more. Even if you don't believe in any type of religion pick up a Bible and read the apocalypse...it will make you see things just a little different. and maybe then you could understand where I come from.

Ocultandote.

Yo solamente quiero decirte que no te sido bien honesta
Siéntate y escucha que empezare a contarte esta
Ocultándote lo que siento y lo que estoy pensando
Voy a empezar me estas escuchando…

Como dejarme llevar por esa mirada ten seductora
Sabiendo que tu amor le pertenece a otra
Quisiera que pudieras acariciarme hasta el amanecer
Al que sentir que tu ternura se encarna en mi piel

Me coges por el pelo diciéndome secretos…
…Como quisieras sentir nuestros cuerpos uniendo
Me dejo llevar por las palabras que salen de tu boca
Mientras las ganas de tenerte me Sueltan y me provocan

Quisiera que me muerdas y me domines mi ser
Me sigo aguantando pero estoy por enloquecer
Quiero ser tu fantasía mientas acaricias mi sentidos
Delatando cuentos de adas en cada uno de tus latidos

Ser tuya por una noche o muchas por venir
Lo que se es que tu sexualidad se crece en mí
Saber de tus experiencias en la etapa del amor
Mientras mis ganas de amor se destacan en furor

Por sentirte bien adentro y lleno de pasión
Quiero escribirte poesías o versos de canción
Pero solamente me encuentro con un papel y me estoy desahogando
No quiero que lo confundas no te estoy enchulando

Solamente quiero que sepas que si con ella no eres feliz
Quiero decirte amigo mío que puedes confiar en mi
Confía tu amistad, tus ganas y tu dolor
Quitándole las espinas a una bella simple flor
Llena de pureza y mucha inocencia
Pero capacitada con sabiduría y mucha inteligencia
Para poder probar tu sabor y ser eficiente
De demostrarte la diferencia entre el pasado y el presente
Como quiera el futuro mañana lo dirá
Pero dile a tu amada que contra mí no está en na
Si, se que por las noches junto a su rostro estas
Pero dile que tus deseos en mi estarán
Que si ella da un paso doy doble la distancia
Dile lo que quieras que estoy por conquistarte toas tus ansias
Que si yo te digo hoy que de ti me he enamorado
Hoy será el primer día que te veras a mi lado

Por si te agarro mis intenciones no serán soltarte
Sera de ser tu reina y siempre aguantarte
Quisiera decirte todo esto pero un beso no me da
Te muerdes los labios porque sabes que es verdad
Quiero que estés seguro de lo que sientes
Que cuando llegues a tu casa con una risa…
Y le darás el beso a tu amada tan frecuente
Todavía me haces el amor y me destaco en tu mente.

last chapter

Wanting to say my last words before I leave the world before me, yet my lips are sealed and expressions keep forming... I sit here with a pencil in one hand and a gun in the other, trying to think clearly but my mind's in a gutter... I have no real motive to want to end my so called life but I feel like everything has betrayed me like its my time to fly and leave behind all the fairy tales all the lies, 2 reach unknown grounds in a world of freedom and comfort... as my pulse races I tap my head with the revolver, tears flow from dry weary eyes, breath escapes from a being dead to its own life... my fingers tremble as they resemble coldness and fear, thinking back at the memories I've come to known over my years the good ones seem to vanish in pain and despair wishing to look for answers to at least one of my prayers. I have cheated death many times before growing up as a child my heart raveled to unfold... but what else is there to look for when the heart is numb or when all your achievements have crumbled down to none. So why not pull this trigger and end my pain why am I still breathing what is there left for me to gain, I wonder if it's my guardian angel who has now control of my moves is it he who now has the healing to my wounds, I contemplate who will miss me the most but I look into their faces and they all seem like ghosts not a single strand of emotion like the sand once cradled by the ocean, its still and deep stuck in 1 single motion. Shall I scream and say I need your love, shall I blame the one who reigns from above shall I take out my anger on those who have caused me so much hurt or shall I spit on the path I've once led on this earth??... the suicidal mind is so dark and so cold, like ice on a stone. The devil inside me has now been provoked. The tap tap tap of my gun is starting to arouse me, as it speaks so calmly yet so proudly "it's me who can erase those undesirable memories" as the devil now controls my every move, entirely .... Still the pencil remains with in my hand and words reveal I'm still struggling to let go of my stand, to sell my soul to he who is unknown... the want to live wants to remain in my possession but the taste of death has now become a part of my obsession no one really knows how long will I last without craving death so maybe I should just get over with it and put my life to rest... so with my eyes close and a tear about to fall I lay my pencil down after writing my last suicide attempt...... (((((bang)))))

Unborn Seed

Recaps of a yesterday lived so long ago, forshadowing the fact that i had to let u go... never had u in my arms yet felt your love, thanking the Lord for lending me his angel from above... we knew that forever our lives will change, now the emptiness in my soul shall always remain... without knowing how is it that you can fall in love with only one glance to the eyes, now can`t undersnd how i fell in love without ever crossing you in mylife... i couldn`t resist the emotions that went throughout my body, as i knew from now on u`ll be part of me... the ilusions of a near future have vanished to the past, when the reality of cruelness a curse upon my heart has cast... living each moment as if it was ours, and my tears become puddles hour after hour... as the softness and inocence of ur laugh and skin, replays the reasons of why to my sins, wanting to take contol but my strength gives in... for i knew that this was the fountain to my glory, and now that your gone i`m only left with this story... you have now moved on beyond all seen and creed... I Love You my Dear Child may u Rest In Peace!

....sighs....

(sigh)... love, it's usually the best thing to write about and can also be the worst but what happens when you are just stuck in the middle. I reminisce about the way things use to be and how they have turned out. (Sigh)... I miss those days....yet I think about the future and what life could bring and (sigh)... I find myself smiling once again.(sigh)... how do you separate yourself between mind, body and soul? when the soul feels what the body desires and the body desires what the mind craves.(sigh)... I reflect about all those misinterpretations of love I once had...and how they now affect the love i have today, i feel resentment towards my past because i never knew what love meant back then...(sigh)...how can i escape the memories of being an infant growing up to be a woman without knowing the true essence of pure love. I fear that one day I'll become that same example and the generation to come will find them selves asking the same questions as I.(sigh)... I wish i could put into words how I feel but im trapped in a zone thats unknown,(sigh)... this is my story and I wonder if i stand alone, or do you understand what I mean...(sigh)

Indenial

What is in it a human’s touch that keeps you in denial of what truly is the reality of living, when it keeps you from admitting that all you ever hoped for and have dreamed of has terminated.
What is it in a kiss that seals with in all the truths that need to be said.
It has never dawned on me that I was a victim of the “in denials” until I let go of my complete guard & gave myself entirely to another being.
Now I am stuck with a man with out a soul, all emotions once seen now gone to the unknown.
In denial I stand every time I know it’s time to leave but stay behind under the false pretense that something is going to change.
In denial, I find myself when he acts suspicious,
Yet I still believe that he cheating on me could never happen.
When I reject to see us die as a whole,
Dividing ourselves, as we become strangers all over again.
In denial, I am when I want to cry
Holding back because I am scared to show the weaknesses I have inside.
In denial when I talk about being in love without knowing what this really means.
When I talk about being in love with a heart full of doubts and insecurities
In denial when you have lost the most precious thing bestowed on a woman’s soul
At someone else’s cost.
In denial when you have accustomed yourself to be second place
Still with a smile on your face
Forgetting how strong you once were, how much you are worth.
I guess you can say I am a pathological liar for I have lied to myself again & again
That this fairytale “love” story has not come to it’s end.
Doubts, insecurities, worries are all linked to one another
Taking over your safety net
The fear of being alone is too hard to comprehend.
In denial when you believe you must endear all the ups & downs
Without awaiting for something in return.
In denial when words of love turn into words of hatred without witnessing the transition
Being in love, is an addiction
Much more dangerous that one knows.
It’s with in you unwillingly, not forced but welcomed to destroy everything you once owned.
Once you have felt the rush you can’t live without another hit
Mistakenly being captured thinking you’re strong enough to survive it.
In denial I’ll remain till my time is up,
Cowardly neglecting to my self there is no such thing as being happily in love.

"Love...Love to talk about it, Hate to live it."-James Dean Rubio (my little brother)

Question Reality

Where did I sign for an ordinary life, When did I say it could take a turn for the worst, Was it I who said that It can escape from my side ???
Each day passes by and I'm consumed
by the fumes of doom,
the news reports are all the same
Death and drugs, innocent lives lost within eternal flames
yet… conscious has no remains and souls that were sold to the devil are trying to be reclaimed
Fear has overcome the power of free will, yet we stand proud and say in the law we believe still
Another life is gone, one more to the count
How much blood shall we see spread before we put our feet to the ground
We have our family members fighting for a cause…
…still unknown and yet we have no time to pause
And sit still to think about our values and believes
We're dressing up in disguise and acting up as thieves
Who said it was right for man kind to decide
What part of the bible we should obey by
We scream and shout to those who we judge
What happened to those words "in God we trust"
Now we have atheist and Goth's ranting and raging
As our Christian believes are slowly descending
There is always a discussion about heaven and hell
Our minds are wrapped in a spider web,
our hearts are wrapped in a spell…
We fight for who shall enter the gates and be free
Or who shall burn in damnation for all eternity
Homosexuality marked as a sin, as a crime
But what happened to
Adultery isn't it part of the famous 10, funny how we seemed to forgotten this with the hands of time
We have learned that the solution to this problem is divorce
But what happened to "death do us apart" when did they become just words…
Children being abused and used
yet we still look confused
Can't explain how suicide rates keep going up
as we damn the almighty who reigns from above
we're so use to pointing fingers and hide away from blame
how can we the people live day after day with out any shame
The one who hustles to increase their profits
The one who slurs racism antics
The one who kills because he's one to be feared and respected
The one who rapes because he's been rejected
I sit here in false pretense of what society should be
Contemplating where did us as a community
come to an end
still I have no answers to my questions just
a piece of paper and my pen
so now I ask u if u care
do u seem to comprehend what has happened to me
'cause I didn't either at first…
but now I know why…
I have lost the meaning to my life

why…
it took a turn for the worst,
why it escaped my side its because I lost faith
In the human race…
I signed for an ordinary life when I stopped day dreaming
In this fairy tale they want me to believe
And opened up my eyes to face and question reality…